Posted: 28th July

Competition Results

Spammer In The Works

As some of you probably know, we have a giant emailout list which we send barely coherent nonsense to once a month or so (if you want to join, click here). It's an empty vessel, but in a positive half-full light. Anyway, we ran a competition on said emailout for the best ideas for a new piece of XEN merchandise. And the ideas flooded in (from Estonia to Oakland to Australia...). So here are the results A load of people wanted some form of Ninja doll or Ninja star, but we rejected these on the grounds that it was a little too mwa ox (also, it would have meant about two hundred people winning...). Some entrants will be both happy and sad. Those of you who suggested lighters or temporary tattoos will hopefully be glad to know that both are already in production. But as we beat you to it, we're not going to give you any (it's a conspiracy). A surprising quantity of you wanted silk sheets or condoms, or bongs, which shows that you are weak and sensuous creatures.

Anyway, we picked 24 winners in the end, who will receive a free copy of Vjamm in a free ninja mailer (just like an ordinary mailer, but that's what makes it stealthy). Some we picked because the ideas were dazzling, some we picked because they sent us nice pictures, some because they just begged. We can't possibly list all 24 winners, but here is an insight into the minds of your fellow site users. And the Spammer. Oh, sod it - here they all are: Glue Bog rolls and sleeping bags and stuff Modificated gundams Inflatable ninja Ninja Monopoly (actually the Spammer was overruled here, because I preferred the suggestion of a Ninja ash tree...) Headphones (a lot of people suggested this, but we picked this one because its author suggested that we put "the extra really cool looking ninja logotype (and not your stupid name) on the ear cap") Hexagonal cross-sectioned sausages - marketed as Samurai Sausages, both meat and veggie (nice touch... hippy) wrist sweatbands - "you know, just like AC/DC used to have..." Condoms (this entry won on the names suggested for them - Stealth Invaders or Mr Incognito) Norens (japanese doorway curtains, apparently) The Ninja Tune logo to be made downloadable onto text-messaging phones (this one is actually kind of intriguing and very new-media-latte, too) Sofa (actually, they just sent us a picture of a sofa, but it was from Mexico, and it was a really nice sofa) Spanking paddles (this entrant also bravely suggested "tattooing ninja tune on a bunch of sluts" - which the Spammer of course couldn't possibly approve of) "A ninja centralised water heating plant. Could heat a whole suburbs water at a central plant so that u never run out of hot water. The steam etc produced at such a plant could be used to generate electricity etc, possible built underground so as not to alter the picturesque vistas of the surrounding neighbour hood." (yeah...) "This is just an idea for Mr. Scruff if you could pass on my address and idea. He must write a tune called 'The Wonders of the Weasel' or 'Badgers: Please discuss.' it would be preferable to do both! Also, Ninja Tune Weasels. They are whilliy you know." "A transparent card, in different sizes, with the trademark ninja in some crazy poze and colours, that you put over your tv screen when it is turned on. then when you are listenning to your heady beats, you can turn all lights off and have a spun out atmosphere" (sorry to quote so extensively, but some of these just aren't going to give you a flavour unless we give you the original scarey context) "500 individually numbered sets of comemerative anniversary tea spoons" (and if you're going to be sarcastic, at least learn how to spell "commemorative") Replacement limb Scratch sound for cellphones Pez dispenser Fruit stickers (apples in particular) And that was it. Prizes winging their way out right about now (or maybe Monday). Watch out for more chances to flex your glands on the newsletter soon...

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